This Is My Year; 2010

January 1st, 2010


Today I woke up to the new year with a slight headache, left over from last night, a slight stomach ache, and not much sleep. It was a very full moon last night, and I dreamed strange things. I want to start and end this day with wrapping up all my old grievances from 2009. In my mind, I want to wipe the slate clean, start anew. And in the physical realm I'd like to get rid of things I don't need, excess items of any kind can just go. I'm not sure how I feel about 2009.. I can't determine whether it was a good or bad year for me. I guess that's just one of the things I have to let go.

I want to keep writing but my parents are jabbering away already, so I can't concentrate.

The Great Play Goes On!

6:32 am, Saturday November 28th, 2009

"And you may contribute a verse."

"That the great play goes on, and you may contribute a verse!"

"...What will your verse be?"

-The Dead Poet Society.

Hello, hello. It's early, and as often life has it, I am struck with creative sickness, compelled to write against all odds, including the hour and my stuffy nose, sore throat and massive list of tasks I must complete today.

For the past several weeks I have been terribly blessed, by whatever being I do not know, some great entity of the universe has granted me the highest of human pleasures; a companion, and best friend, a boyfriend.

He is everything to me right now, and his mere existence makes mine own worth every millisecond! I am so very proud to be his friend and girl now.

My mom returns home from her third sanction on Tuesday. So much has happened in the short 20 days she has been away, I don't know how I'm going to catch her up! I just can't wait to see her, another blessing, another thing to be thankful for.

My life so far, insignificant as it may seem, is making drastic changes left and right. These new turns of events and possibilities excite me, enrapture me in the rightness of everything around me. As Robin Williams said in my favorite movie, what will my verse be? I'd like to think I will contribute a verse, whether it be a husband and children, or I may write a book, crate a business, save a life, or all at the same time. Any number of wondrous things can happen at this point, and whether good or bad, I welcome them with open arms and open eyes.

I am ready for my future, world, bring it on!

PS; I have quit smoking, I've got 2 1/2 days so far!

Note To Self;

November 6th, 2009

Horoscope excerpt;

"Whether you are single or not, the planetary patterns have a good time with someone special in store for you, and if your day is spent at work, then this ray will light up the night."


Well horoscope, you were so right tonight. Note to self; never forget the amazing night you had.

Directions, Decisions & Daydreams

November 4th, 2009


So my mom went to jail for the third time today. I have to say, I didn't think I'd be as depressed this time. Boy was I wrong.

I haven't written in a long time now, I've been really living my life to the fullest, making my Senior year everything it should be.

I have a best friend, and he's amazing. Blair and I haven't really been speaking much... not that were mad at each other or anything, just were both wrapped up in our lives. These things happen I suppose.

I had pretty much the coolest Halloween ever, went to a scary event called scream forest, then to sonic, then the next day [actual Halloween] went trick or treating as a roman [sheet toga] and Caleb went as a Halloween present, a costume we made ourselves. It was incredible.

I feel kind of lost in a world of directions, decisions and daydreams.

I miss my mom.

Have You Ever Wonderd?

October 23rd, 2009


Have you ever wondered;

• What your friends and family would do if you died?
• What your funeral or memorial would be like?
• What would be running through your mind as you died?
• What lies beyond... beyond?

Well today was just one of those days. Yepp.

HIGH School Never Ends!

October 4th, 2009



High school, senior year, so far is freaking amazing, except for effin night school [gotta have it to graduate & walk]. I really love Greenhouse so far too, generally I'm just having a great year thus far.

There's always a million things on my mind. Right now it's that person, as usual, that I like and it's so hard not to just scream it out- I don't want to ruin things this time, so I'm trying to play it cool.

Last night was insane though, for reals.


I went to Blair's pretty late yesterday, to go to target with her and spend the night. I got her this courage ring and myself a tree of life necklace. Then we came back to her place and went around the corner to Jason & Erica's, where I said "Fuck it, it's Saturday night." and took my first- and only- ever GB hit. I haven't smoked in forever, and I will neeevvver take it from one of those again! I was so high so fast I passed the fuck out instantly, for about 20 minutes, and even after that I could barely walk, was hot and cold simultaneously, and craving brownies like nobody's business. I made it back to Blair's and woke up fine. We tooled around for a few hours, helped a friend take some pictures [of us, for his photogrophy stuff] and then he took me home.

Apparently thougfh, whilst I was stoned, at my house my dad was near to beating my mom, I hear tell it was pretty bad, but haven't acctually gotten to talk to her alone about it yet. Since I got home I've just been chillin and doing chores. I'm gonna do something fun this Friday,

hopefully it turns out to be a good night ;)

HOO-RAH!! Senior Year

September 10th, 2009


At Chesterfeild Technical Center, a certain teacher greets all the students with a hoo-RAH! and a fist bump each morning. This greeting really captures how I feel about this year, the last stretch, the end of, and beginning of, so many things. A huge chapter in my life is almost over, yet another is just starting, I'm so excited I could burst.

There are so many things going on right now..

So I won't bother today to record them. I feel like somje feelings can't be described, and should just remain fond memories, a faint giddyness I can't shake. These times are priceless beyond comparison. I will live every minute with enthusiasum and gratitude!

Restrictions [I ♥ Mehndi]

September 4th, 2009

My blog is being restricted for the time being, my boyfriends parents found it and since I'd like to continue posting, I've made it hidden for now, until their threat is gone.

I've really gotten in Henna/Mehndi body art recently, it's loads of fun and fairly cheap, too.

On today;

Since we did so much running up and down the road today I'll list first whee we went in what order, then the highlight of the day [ a bad highlight..]

• Woke up, realized I couldn't find birth certificate. Couldn't tell my dad he'd flip but had to try again for learner's today.
• Went with mom to program to screen.
• Went to grandma's to get money.
• Went to Library for map quest.
• Went to Vital Statistics in Richmond for new BC.
• Came back and failed test again :'[
• Came home.
• Took Rachel and Amanda to mall.
• Picked them up from mall.
• To0k Rachel to skate land.

So when we arrived at DMV, there was an older lady and a man outside with a big stand, holding signs with Obama's face, crudely drawn on with a Hitler mustache! I was extremely offended, and I told them this. Many people did, it's a wonder they didn't get shot, calling our nation's president a nazi/fascist and that he needed to drop dead! Awful, simply disgusting.

Well that's about it, Blair's tomorrow and school Tuesday.

Toodles!

My ? Has Been Answered!!

September 1st, 2009

With exactly one week until school I'm trying, as I've said, to get my life a little more neat and healthy, and just when I'm having a rotten day, The most wonderful thing happened! On Twitter I tried my luck at sending Jason Mraz a question for his weekly answers blog, and he answered mine! So here it is♥

iDiedTomorrow: Do you find old people interesting or annoying? Have you ever heard a really neat story from an older person, or a boring one? 



This is a very funny question and my answer is the former. To me, my elders are the most interesting people in the community. It is they who inadvertently laid the foundation for our current mission, good or bad. And while our elders may be slow to accept/practice new ideas, or be unable/uninterested in keeping up with technology’s advancement, this is no new problem. It’s evolution at work, generation by generation. Before you know it, you’ll someday be old and annoying to the newcomers – so be kind and interested now, for your own karma’s sake.

So that's my happy spot for the week :]

I'm Gonna Try [Beach Adventure]

August 31st


Well, I've been back from Virginia Beach for about two days, Rachel and I stole a LOT of stuff. However, I don't think I want to do it too much anymore, I got caught for the first time ever trying to steal some Aviators.

We got a little more tan, swam in the ocean and watch real surfers out on the hurricane induced waves. The ride there and the ride back with my Grandma was extremely stressful, she must be the single most annoying woman on the planet.

Well it's one week till school, I discovered this morning I've gained 20 lbs, I always do over the summer, and the birth control isn't helping.

I want to start living a more healthy life style, so here are some new things I'm trying.

• Cutting down smoking to 5 a day.
• Riding my bike 30-45 minutes a day.
• Eating only at designated eating times, cutting down portions and avoiding meat and fats as much as possible.
• Doing yoga in the morning [got a tape from goodwill, lol]
• Keep up with my livestrong.com account, a wonderful site for tracking all activities and consumption daily.
• Gonna do my homework every single day.
• Try to keep up with this blog more!
  

I See Dead People! Awesome!

August 22nd,




I haven't been on in soooo long because my laptop was loaded down with viruses, and even though they are now gone, my screen is horrible cracked on <--- this side of the screen. I have no idea what happened to it, it must have happened while it sat in Blair's floor, oh well. It's time for a new one anyways. Were going to Denny's soon, and I'm staying the night here at Blair's.

Some interesting things have happened to me recently, the most remarkable are my mini-paranormal investigations of my neighborhood and a local cemetery. I have picture proof of hundreds of orbs in my neighborhood and a possible ghost figure sitting on a tombstone at Blanford cemetery in Petersburg. Oh yeah, and a few pictures revealed my aura so I'll include that too. Another note, none of these pictures were edited in any way, I don't have or even know how to use photo shop! I enhanced them and wrote on one, that's all.

Right now I'm also trying out iDoser, I'll report later if it is effective. Since it's been a long time since my last post, I don't remember much. Here are the photos, enjoy and I'll see you next time! :]

I Fucking Hate Tomatoes

August 9th, 2009

Tomatoes. I hate them.

I've always hated them; their smell, their taste, their feel.. and now I have an even better reason for loathing them; my dad forced Rachel and I to frappe' 650 of them in a blender, bagged & frozen along with about 100 shucked corn and 2 bags of peppers. Ugh.

Other than that I've had a very good week, I've been hanging out with my delightful boyfriend John Looney aka John Lennon and I'm just so happy with him I could burst. I did have more to say.. hmm.

Ah yes, we had a surplus of hot money [don't ask] and went on a fantastic shopping spree, in which I got; a new bag, two new shirts, one pair of shorts, two Jason Mraz CD's, school supplies, and a box of energy mints. I also vigoursly cleaned and organized my room and got a new rug, all of which makes me extremely happy too.

Not long until school starts, I'm really excited for that!

Peace; Dani

Late Night Delirium

July 30th, 2009


I'm in a rambling mood. Thank god for auto spell check on here or else this would be completely illegible, my typing and vision AND perception are terrible at night. You know when you stay up really late and it's similar to being high? Not quite as great, but I just feel all these things at once like... dinosaurs. How did they piss? Do I have to piss right now? I think I do. Be right back.

I'm back, I went outside to smoke too, just a quick drag before my dad got out of the shower. I went into this cool pet shop today, they had rats for way cheaper than Petsmart does. I wonder if it should be said Pet's Mart or Pet Smart. Probably the latter. I watched American Pie also today, a weird movie. Oh! And my long-lost half sister Trisha contacted me yesterday, I'm really excited, I hope she can come up from NC to visit soon. You know what I hate? Acne. I fuggin' hate acne so much. I really hope the birth control kicks in soon to kick it's ass. So tired, blurry screen.. I wonder what tomorrow holds in store.

It was a good day.

-D-F!zzle

It's So Beautiful You Want To Cry

July 25th, 2009

Over the past week and a half I have seen and done a so many amazing things. I've experienced life in a way I feel few other people have, and I want to share in as much detail what I have done and try to describe these incredible feelings I've had.

The first event was MEAC, Middle Eastern Alateen Conference.

Well we ride all the way up to Front Royal, a long and uneventful drive into the foothills of Virginia. I am excited and nervous, anxious to meet new people. We arrive, I get out of the van and someone walks by. "Hi! What's your name?" he says to me. "Uhhh....Hi, I'm Danielle?" He goes "Danielle! I'm Daniel! Nice to meet you!" and I receive a warm hug. Wow. Not having been there one minute and I am already being greeted like this? Feeling at home already I easily started talking to everyone.

Then I met Cole Barnes. I was drawing a mushroom in chalk on the pavement, a dark skinned guy with a funny afro walks up, says hello, and asks if I'm a pot head. I said "Sure, I smoke. I've never done that before though." I gesture to the shroom and stand up, he also gives me a hug. Little did I know he was to become, very quickly, a dear close friend.

There were meetings and activities and free time and late nights and music... but the one absolute thing that stood out was a particular workshop. I am gazing unknowingly at my schedule, I ask Cole "What is this 'Unconditional Love Workshop' about?" he smiles at me and says "You'll see. It will change your life." Huh, now I'm thinking to myself; who can I squeeze this secret out of? And you know what? I asked everyone, and not a single person who had been there before would tell me. So naturally when it came time for the UCL workshop, I was very excited and nervous to see what would happen.

We enter a dimly lit auditorium, the whole 55 of us kids, the board at the front on the stage with speakers and a stereo. They tell us to line up, then give us numbers; 1 & 2. 1's go to one side, 2's to the other. Now my mind is reeling. Group 1, the group I'm in, goes to the middle of the room and everyone stands spaced out, eyes closes and arms at your sides. Slow, meaningful music begins. Group 2, anonymous and also silent walk among us. I am standing with eyes closed, when I receive my first hug. After that, it was hug after hug after hug, and unless you've actually done this, you can't begin to imagine why I cried so hard that day. Everyone did, it was so incredible. I will never forget it as long as I live. Getting so much love without having to give anything in return.. that's what it's all about. And since this, I hve been practicing UC Love every single day.
After the switching back and forth of the groups, hugging and being hugged, we all talked and shared about how we felt. One girl said these words; "I never thought I'd actually see something so beautiful it made me want to cry."

The dance that night was really fun, except I had been wearing a nicotine patch and threw up a bunch of water, thus making my group leave an hour early :[

The next day we said our goodbyes and came home, a very long and boring ride back left me completely exhausted and ready to sleep for a few days. Only my mom's B-day we went to see Harry Potter instead of going to the meetings. It wasn't very good. Oh well.

Well, then I basically decided, hey! I'm gonna go to Warped Tour with Lizzy. So I did. Cole and a few other people from MEAC were there, and some others I knew. We had a wonderful time, walking around, spending loads of cash, hearing the multiple bands play, and smoking jusssst a little weed ;3
The next day we went to the beach nearby. I haven't seen the ocean in such a long time... it was very surreal for me. The vastness of it.. the sheer volume of the waves crashing and the water pulling on your feet, I've never felt more at home. It really firmed my decision to move to So Cal, or even VA Beach. The boardwalk was pretty cool too, and I attempted body surfing. We ate at The Jewish Mother, and I finally got home at about 10:00 pm.

And the whole car ride home, watching the sky and clouds, all the colors and the music blaring in my ears, I did cry a little, just a little. Just because it was so damn beautiful.
I love my life.

Peace.

-Danielle

Alateen Adventures & Looney Toones

July 15th, 2009
My momma's B-day! 46!



This entry is about what I'm going to be doing soon, and about today, and about yesterday. In that order.So!

On Friday, 12:00 pm I am leaving for Front Royal, Virginia to a conference called MEAC [Middle Eastern Alateen Conference.. I think] and I'll be there until Sunday. It suppose to be really fun, lots to do and lots of other kids my age, and up, and down. There's going to be a dance from like 11:00 pm on Saturday to 2:00 am, a Rave, which I am extremely excited about, my sister and I are bring glow sticks and dressing to impress! Now, today;

Well it's my mommy's birthday, we celebrated by playing Mario Party 5 basically all day [she adores that game] && buying a delicious array of cheesecake... oh, such a wicked indulgence♥

Then just a bit ago we went up the road and across the highway to see if there was a different Alateen meeting at Ivey Methodist, but alas there was none. We playing on the playground when, holy sheep! My sister spots my grandma's car turning onto our little road. We panic, thinking she saw us and run silly and screaming behind a bush, and then they send me home to see if she saw us. I got here, she didn't, she left. The end.

Now yesterday/ the day before♥♥

On the 13th, I started dating my good friend John Looney, he's a super sweet and a real hippie at heart, much like myself. He came over and we watched Saw 5 and well that's about it, but I'm supposed to be going to a Hooka Bar in Richmond with him next week, so that sounds like uber fun. :]

Basically, I'm grateful for a so-far easy going summer and I anticipate all the good things seeming to head my way. Peace out!

Flirting With Sunlight- My Mini Journey

July 10th


So I'm in the car on the way to my Grandmother's river cottage on the Rappohanok river, we've been going here every summer since I was 1 month old, at my parents wedding on my grandpa's old boat, the Queen Bea. So, point is, it's July and the sun aught to prime today. We'll be passing through Mechanicsville, hometown of my favorite performer and idol, Jason Mraz. We pass the high school he went to and everything, for a fanatic like me it's very thrilling. I'm currently listening to his tunes, zooming down the highway and decked out in skimpy bikini and peace-loving garb. I always find it interesting the people you see on the road, as I've said before, their expressions and car styles and such. I would do my wave-and-enlighten routine, but with my grandmother driving she may get distracted and kill us. My grandma just announced she wants to write a book, which is a very interesting thing for her to say, kind of out of character. But I told her since she can't use a computer very well, I'd gladly dictate it for her. I think that would be very interesting and fun. We just passed through Richmond, observing the beautiful skyline. It's hard to think of a city as it really is, so full of crime and grime, when it looks so amazing from afar. There are planes from the local airport going over us, were now jamming to Hellogoodbye and chatting about getting burned int he sun, so exciting. I wish I could go to the ocean, I want to learn how to surf very bad now. Blair promised to try and learn with me, how sexy we'll be in our wetsuits and riding the waves with all the macho beach boys! That's all for now, I'll write another paragraph as we continue on this mini-journey. Over and out!

We have now arrived at the river cottage, and I've already been in the water and back. I'd like to briefly describe the rest of the journey here. We passed through Mechanicsville, passing Lee-Davis High School, and I told my grandma again that's where Jason Mraz went to school. I also pointed out what I think to be his Dad's house, she asked "You want me to stop there on the way back?" I just about blushed myself to death, NO! I cried, that would be too creepy fan girl of me, and I know I'm not that kind if fan. However, my imagination of course took it and ran, creating every single scenario that could possibly lead me to meeting him. Pulling up and asking to use the bathroom? Breaking down in front of his house? Would this incredible man be there, chillin' with his dad and I get to glimpse him? It was all just such wild, silly scenes I am prone to. My Grandma droned on and on and on until we finally arrived, Rachel and I unpacked quickly and headed to the peir to tan, then we swam briefly and showered, now I'm typing this and eating my lunch of Oreos. I feel so at peace here, if I never make it to California, maybe a little cottage here would be a fine replacement. Maybe. My day dreams and updates will continue, I will be back with more stories a little later on. There's no connection or phone service here, so I'm basically free of distractions, except the newest edition satellite TV. Mmmmmmusic on the top' will be my only salvation in the long restless night to come. Tonight as soon as it gets dark, I plan to go out to the water and swim by myself, gazing at the stars and bio-luminescent jelly fish the light the night. Peace out!

We went back out very quickly after the last entry, this time swimming and getting extremely burnt. I mean...ow, it's been a while, but I'm happy. I consider it a precious souvenir. Rachel and I took a walk down the beach as the sun began sinking into the horizon, we already dressed and walking slowly down the long beach at the end of the cottages, eyes stealing glances at the sun, flirting with him, blushing red, literally, in his glow. I felt much connection spiritually to this tiny beach, strewn with drift wood and edged by a clay back and a field of corn, lots of dangerous Virginia creeper and poison oak, shells and sand. We took fabulous pictures and had a really great sister to sister chat. We came back after a bit, ate dinner, watched tv, went back out with the neighbors for a bit, and now I'm back yet again. I'm glad to be here, and glad to be going home tomorrow. By the time I actually post this, the whole experience will already be over, I'll be at home in the air, playing oblivion and nursing my raw skin. These are the days of my life, I will record and cherish them, much as my grandmother is planning to do with her life's memories and triumphs. Life is full of... of so many things! There is much to be grateful for, and I am grateful for the ability to BE grateful, I hope someone somewhere feels me. Ttyl.


July 11th


After creating a pillow fortress in our attic last night, Rach and I went to sleep and awoke this morning around nine, I myself stiff and tired, but at least a little less sun burnt. I ate some breakfast, smoked two cigarettes, walked the beach and kissed the water goodbye. We'll be leaving in about an hour, I am very tired and can't wait to get home. I crawled across the attic floor to reach this computer, the little pink clock in front of me is ticking with a loud, monotonous cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck... reminding me now I have to make haste and do the dishes, clean up, and bring my things downstairs. Pardon'.

My back hurts, my skin is tight and hot, and I'm sitting in the car waiting for lift off, towards home and a nice long smoke. My thoughts are constantly shifting to someone... I want to see them. I can't wait to go home.
Our last little escapade was to go over to Wheelan's marine across the road and scoop up jellyfish with a net, placing them in a bucket. Inside the boat marina, me Rach, Emily, Ariel and Julia, and Mocha the dog ran around frantically on tiny paths over jelly infested water, when we all heard a very loud splash. Everyone thought one of us had fallen in, but it ended up being Mocha, we were still terrified, so we led him around the marina and onto land.

My grandmother just got in the car, we are ready to go.

July 12th, Home again

I'm re reading and posting this now, I've been resting and cleaning today. I want to see someone tomorrow, anyone. I'm a little tired of sunbathing for now, although swimming in Buffy's pool could be fun. I'll be tuning in for more of my adventures... when I have some.

Au Natural [Ouija Board!]

July 6th, 2009

Hellooo all, it's been a while. I've been having a little better days, first of all I'm currently [as in right at this moment] dying my hair back to brown, my mousy natural color, as to never have to dye it again :] Aaand, a few days ago, I made my own Ouija board and tried it out, scarily enough it worked. I asked the spirit a couple things, found I'm reincarnated, I lived in Isreal, and Blair was my friend in a few past lives. Also, the spirit said her name was Dzam, and she died in 1928. I'm fairly convinced in it's authenticity, but my sister who did it with me, isn't, she thinks I pushed it. Oh well, I probably won't be doing it again for a long time, just to be extra safe.

Other than that, not much is going on. I went to Yorktown beach on the 4th, my dad dived for oysters and we had seafood. I'm having Alyssa over today, Blair tomorrow, and Looney Wednsday, ha ha. That's about it, peace.

Smokin' In The Girls Room [Panic! At The Witching Hour]

June 30th, 2009


I will tell this story exactly as it happened, word for word.


I wake up at 3:00 am on the dot, thirsty and wanting to smoke to get back to sleep. I use my phone for light and do, so, then laying back down. I hear the faucet run in the bathroom. Panic. My dad opens my door.

Him; Did you just now turn off your light?
Me; ..No, I think someone called me..[pretending to be groggy]
Him; Who the fuck is calling you at 3? [why the fuck are you up? I think]
Me; ...I dunno..didn't look.
Him; Well turn off your phone before bed.
He leaves the room.
I lie in a panic still, knowing he smelled smoke.
He comes back in and flips on the light.
Him; [sniff]
He walks over to mt empty soda cans and sniffs them.
I am totally freaking out but pretend to be calm, he came so close to my ashtray.
Me; What are you doing..?
Him; What's that smell?
Me; I dunno.....the Rat cage?
He sniffs the rage cage and folds his arms.
A minute passes, racing heart.
Him; Yeah, I guess that's it.
He flips off the light and closes my door.

And I sat on the verge of a mental breakdown for two hours before I finally got back to sleep. When he left at 8:30 am after bitching my mom and sister out for an hour, I hid everything he could discover out of my room; my empty liquor bottles went to Brittany's, my bowl went to Rachel's room, all my lighter's went to my mom, and my ashtray was dumped washed and put away.

NO more smoking in my room for me.

The end.

Litterally Out Of Food

June 29th, 2009

Were hoping food stamps arn;t cut back this coming month, or else we may seriously starve. There is, as of tonight, no food in my home. Tomorrow morning, I go hungry or pimp myself out for food.

Oh well. I played Oblivion literally all day today.

That's it, my life sucks.

-D

Don't Wanna Die On The 4th Of July

June 26th, 2009


So I wanted to post this last night when I found out, but since I had just finished my previous post I decided against it. Apparently, North Korea is fed up with our troops pushing them around from South Korea's borders, and as a US ship shadowed a NK destroyer, they shouted a threat to send a long rang nuclear missile to Hawaii, and the Pentagon has shrugged it off as 'silliness'. Well that's just great, I mean, would if they slammed D.C instead? It wouldn't hit me, but I'd get slapped with radiation and die, along with everyone I know and love. Bummer. I relayed my concern to my parents last night; Mom says maybe we could hide out in my grandma's basement- the flaw is there's no running water of any kind down there, say for the washer. Dad said I should stop being stupid, not to stress over it, if I die I die. Nasty-pig-asshole-jerk-face. Well, either way, we have 12 days to get the hell out of Virginia. I voted either Florida, temporarily, or like fucking Alaska. Who's going to bother us up there?

Worried,

Danielle