I Believe In Yesterday

March 29th & 30th 2009

Well, I'll start this blog with yesterday's fun since I didn't write last night [you'll see why soon]. I ended up going to Henricus [sp?] Park with my family, and we really had lots of fun, just walking around and fishing and we saw lots of turtles, hawks, buzzards, tiny frogs, a groundhog, a heron, geese, ducks, a snake, fish, and dogs :]

We ran into the local man whore, Paco [Taylor] while we were there, and my 2nd grade techer Miss DiSanto, and then we came home and my dad left for Manassass, VA. So since he was out of the way, Rachel and I were allowed to each have one person over for a while. I choose Ky, my crush and she had Abby, her new BFF.

My horiscope said I'd meet the person who set my heart on fire today.

Boy was it ever right!

So they both came over and me and Ky got really drunk [on Joose] and watched Eurotrip. Well, I am seriously crushing now, and I'm so happy.

BUT.

Today was not so good. Well, it started out good, I had a great day at school, but as soon as I got on the bus, what I like to call the Yin-Yang effect took place [good day = bad day] and my dad called, he wanted to talk to my mom. Well, I was on the bus so when I walked in I got her to call him back. He's been fired for, yes it's true, wearing a hoodie on the job. It was cold and blustery and he has a severve degenerative neck conditon that requires him to keep it warm in order to work and be pain free. Now he's stuck in north,northn,north Virginia, when his truck is in Ashland and we are here. Our little clanker-car would not make it that far, they won't carry him back, and no one will let us borrow their vehicles. So, he's at this very moment hitch-hiking to Ashland to drive home. Jesus.

More on Ky;

I just want to say he's amazing, and this already feels different than my lest several boyfriends for a lot of reasons;

• He's cuter for one
• He isn't so damn shy, like all the others
• He definatly on the same page of intelligence as me, which is very good
• He's a gooood kisser ;]
• He doesn't have a problem with my smoking or drinking, something the others just couldn't accept.
• We're very similar in likes and ditastes
• He understands my home situation
• Andd he understands my commitment fear ._.;

So, in conclusion I will be writing later tonight in a sparate post, and gosh, I just feel so much better now.. kind of.

-Till Later, -Hathair

Wouldn't It Be Nice?

March 28th, 2009

Wel, my day started of with drama in the house once again. My dad got a letter in the mail from the school saying how many absences my sister had, and my dad got pretty mad at first, but my sister came home and smoothed things out very nicely. I watched this cool VHS movie about Aliens, and I mean, I was already a believer but now I'm sooo convinced, and not just because the video was that good, but because it just wouldn't make any sense to say we were alone in the whole vast universe.

Well, my dad wants to do a lot of stupid shit, right? Like his latest idea is build a floating greenhouse. He started asking about my favorite singer, Jason Mraz, and I just was honest and told him a little about him, and now he's all like "I'll bet I could get in contact with him and get him to help me blah blah blah." and as much as I would enjoy talking to Jason, it's riddiculous to think that he would just drop his fabulous career, and come home from touring, just to meet with a silly fan and a derranged father. Nope, just don't see it. I'd rather not be embaressed that way. Augh! [frustration] I should never have even said anything about him.

Well, my horiscope for tomorrow says I could meet the love of my life, lo and behold, I am hanging out with Ky tomorrow, so who knows? Eternal devotion would be nice. Ha ha.

-Peace & Love

This is him v

Growing Up In 804

March 27th, 2009

Well it was another boring, non eventful day.

I'm so bored.

I think I want some weed or something, ha ha.

Okay but for real, The only things on my mind these days are;

Evil Acne

Retarded Hair

Uncooperative Glasses

Terrible Grades

California

Boys

musicmusicmusicmusicmusicmusicmusicmusicmoosikmusicmusic

Sleeping

....Boys

Hate For My Dad

Drugs

...

I guess that't it, not much to say really.

So my title suggests I might talk about growing up. NO talking, I'm just gonna show you pictures of me from about four years ago till now. It's interesting, to say the least. Peace.

-Hathair:)

Viva La Birthdays

March 26th, 2009

"These times will pass, but the memories will last."-spray painted on a bridge in Enon

Today was Blair's 18th bee day, and other than that school was terrible, with a wildly flung out of control math class and a sub, you'd think it was the apocolypse in that room, honestl, it;s no wonder I can;t pay attention long enough to pass, I need a lot of induvidual attention in that subject.

Well I got my glasses today, and they look nice, fit nice, and make me able to see this sooooo much better. And then I went to Blair's and Jordyn + Nathaneal were there, so the four of us dubbed over discovery channel documentaries and played rock band, and made some retarded videos. I've known Nathaneal practically my whole life [12 years!] and Blair and Jordyn for almost 6 [and five of those years J and N have been happily going out :)]

Since I haven't done all that much todat I'll just say that, me, and my friends, we've all grown and changed a lot. And I really mean a lot, it's so different that it used to be. Everything seems like a dream, leages onder the sea in drastic comparison to ours lives today. What will it be like 20 years from now?

-Hathair [pictures later]

My Friend Nick O. Teen

March 25th, 2009

So I glide through the bodies like a snake through the weeds each day I attend Thomas Dale, and each day I accsept a growing appreciation for my good friend, niccotine [sp?]. I've never had such a mental work out as I did today, mostly in math, but in other ways too, such as drama and people moving and bad memories. I write to un plague myself of these apparitions, for they cloud my often clear judgement and leave me in shambles. So, a sneak out to the parking lot with the big bad seniors [no, it's not allowed] to smoke and chat at lunch isn't too much to ask for. I mean, you reader's [usually] don't know me and I don't know you, so belive and honest girl when she says she desurves it, no matter the age requirements.

Nothing happened today really. I guess you could say I'm dreading the reprecussions of my break up message via Myspace last night. I half expect him to show up at my house and strangle me, and the other half expects to get a sobbish phone call or some angry friend type messages. I've done this way, way too many times.

I keep reading and hearing about more lovely spring time effects in other places, not here. I want to see the sun, too! Hear the birds, smell the wet and nurturing earth and witness the rebirth of our earth mother [yeeeeah maaan, and smoke some trees while were at it, duuuude] Ha ha..I crack myself up.

To finish I'll give putting pictures on here a shot. Enjoy!

-Hathair

Ha Ha Ha...Wait, What?

March 24th, 2009

I feel like reffering to myself in the third person. So Dani went to school after she ran out of cigarettes this morning, then in gym she had to dance this retarded celtic thing [no offense celts, Dani is one and she likes them all fine but GYM? She was like, uh uh] with the hot sexy Jared for her partner/instructer and he was so flirty and she was so blown away, yet pissed at the same time.

So she went to the optomitrist for the 5th time in her life, and will have glasses again in a weeks time. Dani met a creepyguy who asked her too many personal questions like "What grade are you in?" and "What school do you go to?" And reffered to her as 'young lady'. And she wanted to be like "Young Lady? Bitch I gots three kids with 3 baby daddies and 2 warrents fo' my arrest who you callin' young?!"

Dani also broke up with her boring boyfriend through myspace just now, and is currently talking to a cute guy in CH named Ky, who she fully intends to rape to satisy her growing sexual frustration. Not that she's a whore or anything, she just needs a change of pace, and Dani is always very cautious in sexual matters, because condoms arn't soo bad.

That was Dani's day, but she feels like there's something missing. Ah yes, she went to Alateen; for those of you who don't know she goes every Tuesday night and it is a group for teens who's lives have been affected by the disease of alchoholism. To bad Dani drinks and smokes and generally will end up in AA someday. Tooooo baaaad.

Dani's hair is wet and she bids thee goodnight, her two loyal readers Jamie and Blair. She loves you both.

-Dani...?

Drunken Lament

March 23rd, 2009

I've come to rely on this blog more than I expected. It's a good opptunity to vent and get out all my thoughts, I don't feel so invisible if I write on this everyday. Another passing thought that dawned on me, is that this, right now, is the only March 23rd 2009 that will ever exist. Wow, it just makes me want to make every day special, you know? Well, here's my today.

Got to school, had to see Jared coddling his ugly girlfriend like she's some precious stone. They do it every single morning, same spot, same time. I understand but..it get's a little annoying. I got a lot of school work today, so I'll be working my mental buttocks to the bone this week trying to pass for once. Well, I had some left over Passionfruit Parrot Bay from the weekend so I had brought it to school [yes I know, I'm dumb but I had to get rid of it somehow, lest my dad discover it]. Well I was trying to draw a high five in Art, and a lot of people made fun of it and said it looked more like praying, so I ripped it up and I felt pretty bad. Even cried a little, but I didn't let anyone see. So I say to myself, hmm, what do I have that will make it go away?

2 bottles of smuggles juices later, I stagger out to the bus loop, ranting on and on about not wanting to go home, and dealing with a massive stomach ache, enduced from chugging the shit too quickly without eating. No one could give me a ride today so I ride the bus, then get home to find my dad home again, unfortunately. Mama and I devise an escape plan to Food Lion so we can relax and I can smoke [it's so rough not being able to light up after 6 hours without], then I came home and played Oblivion for a few hours. When I finally decided to go over to my neighbors to do some homework type stuff, well I just got back, and it's 8:45 pm. I got some new pictures on there and I am temporarily internet-satisfied.

When I'm drunk I tend to be real honest. I usually call everybody up and just tell them; hey, this is how I fucking feel about you, whether it be that I hate them or I am secretly in love with them, whatever. I hadn't drank much in a while so when it did hit me, it was all at once and real hard. Well, artistic woes forgotton, I once again wander to the realm of romance, wondering if I can ever break up with my current victim, and if after that I can stay single for more than a week. I mean, it's not like I'm some kind of whore punk, I don;t sleep with them all, but like I've said before, dating around is just how I get to know people, unfortuatly for those who fall for me.

I want summer to arrive. I want to go to concerts and get sloshed and stay up all night and sleep all day. I want to wear a bikini and tan for the first time ever with my sister, and go to the beach and ride rollacosters in the blistering heat. I want to eat icecream soup and sit on my roof at night, alone with nature and a cancer stick in hand. I want to be free more than anything, and for me, summertime is the closest to freedom I've had so far.

California, I hope I reach you someday.

-Hathair

Procrastination Masterbation

March 22nd, 2009

Well, My dad decided to wake my up at 4 in the morning to clean up cat shit.

....

Yeah, he is a dick face. So anyways, then I woke up at 9, my dad told me he wanted me to go help him work on his 'leaf job' where we rake other peoples leaves for money. So I get my shower, get all ready and stuff and he's just bullshitting around the yard for like, 3 hours. Well, I was supposed to go to Blair's for my haircut today so finally, AFTER my mom got home he just took me there and didn't make us rake, thank goodness. So I get there and Lizzy was already there, so she did both of our hair some and then we went walking, ending up at Jason's again, just drinkin' and smokin' [cigs only] and chillin'. But even that got boring, so we go back, eat, watch silly videos and get on webcam. Eventually I had to leave so Lizzy's mom came and took me home, and here I am. Not much of a day, really.

So, since I didn't have too much to say this time, I'll write a little about Procrastinaion. I only threw 'masterbation' into the title because it rhymes, ha ha. Well, my dad is a huge procrast-er himself, but hates it when other people don't get things done as soon as he asks for it. Myself, I don't procrastinate in an irrisponsible way, meaning I may wait a little longer than nessesary but I always get things done when I'm supposed to, unlike my dad, who never finishes anything, even families. I wait til weekends to clean my room, do major projects, ect. He just starts it and doesn't finish, unless we push him to do so and that's damn near impossible, seeing as we'd proably get our asses kicked if we even slightly went against him. The odds are on his side, really.

What a lot of people don't understand about my mom's part in all of this is that she can't just divorce him or leave with us or anything of that nature. She's in a drug program most of her week and weekends, making it hard to get a job, much less one that doesn't do backround checks. Even if she could land one, it wouldn't be enough to support us three on our own and there's no cheap places for sale or rent around here anyways. And we can't just kick him out because one, were three tiny women and two, it's his house. Rachel and I are only minors so we can't just leave, he threatens to call the law on us and send us to foster care or juvy [I've been in foster care, and like hell if I'm ever going back, I will not be treated like a slave ever again.] And I'm only 16, no licence or learners, no car or job, semi-passing grades and no major skills.

All that been said, I'm a little stuck. We all are.

Wow, I'm really off topic. I guess it's because I'm so tired, so I think I'll call it quits for the night.

-Danielle

It's Laundry Day!

March 21st, 2009

It's Saturday. My sister has been gone a long time, so me Mama and Daddy are here alone with the canine and felines, doing laundry and rockin' out. My room gets extemely messy during the week, I just disregard cleanliness when I have other things to worry about [not personal hygene, just dont care if all the sheets fall off my bed]. My room is only about 5 yards long by 4 1/2 wide [meaning too damn small for all my shit]. I'm waiting for my laundry to dry right now acctually, and with nothing else to do I write to entertain my friends, who I force to read this every night.

I keep looking outside at the sushine and getting excited, but when you walk out there it's so cold and windy, it really blows. I want to wear a bikini already or some booty shorts, this is getting ridiculous. I'm normally really patient, but I just feel so deprived of decent sunlight and summertime oppertunities. The first official day of spring was yesterday, I wish it would hurry up already. I'm looking foward to turning 17, getting a learner's already, swimming in pools, taking a trip with my friends to the beach [behind my dad's back, for a whole week, fuck yeah], summer concerts, no school, Senior year!

As far as my dad [being an abrasive dick head] it's been a very calm day, even somewhat enjoyable. He hasn't been angry or jerkish about anything [yet]. So that's a pretty good thing. I should be going to Blair's tomorrow to get my hair cut, and get drunk :]

I like stealing things. Walmart is an easy target, especially when I can't afford even the most basic things. I'm working on a new wardrobe. I mean, not entirely walmart brand things, of course, and not entirely stolen either, but every little sticky finger helps. I often invite klepto-maniac friends to come along with me, such as my sister and her best friend, and some friends from both Dale and Colonial Heights. Even my mom has gotten into the spirit of things. She usually gets me some make up or jewlery. We would buy things if we could, but prices are bloated and my dad is a lazy tight wad fat ass who can't support his family well enough to even get them food half the time.

Peace, for now

-Hathair

Thoughts Continued- BOTB

Boys On The Brain

So I'm going to bed soon, and when it gets later my vision gets worse and worse and my dexterity weakens. This is when I stew about boys and philosophy and sorrow. This is when I retreat into the shell and ponder all that is, for it is in my nature to do so.

Boys;

I've had a lot of boyfriends, the majority of them in the past 2 years. And even more crushes really. My first boyfriend was Shawn Smith, we were five. He bought me a rose, made me a bead bracelet, and took me to thr Swift Creek Mill Playhouse, holding my hand and telling me we would get married. Ah.. young love??

The there was Joe Ruber, 2nd grade. We played Sailor moon, but he moved. John Something in 3rd grade, then Nathaneal Withersoon same year. He started out as my best friend, then my semi boyfriend, and now he's been dating a good friend of mine for going on 5 years. He looks, and acts, exactly the same; a mix between Jim Carrie and Dane Cook.

I had my first real kiss in 5th grade with a mixed neighbor named James James. That was one hell of a truth or dare for me, ha ha. I still remember the shiny purple lipgloss I had lathered on just before, it was called Smucker's Amythest, and once the deed had been done he had to wipe it all off his mouth. But I never had any tounge till 9th grade, and that comes much later.

Out of desperation in 7th, seeing as I was ugly and fat, I dated a 6th grader named Casey Stephans for like, 3 weeks, and that was icky to say the least. He's gone completely gay now I think.. Then the doozy- Austin Groves, 9th. My first love and first make-out, and virginity-taker. Unfortunatley, after a year and a half it just didn't work out, but I'm grateful for the experience and the memories, no matter how much he hates me now. He doesn't remember I have his naked photos- how do you spell B L A C K M A I L ?

After him was Jordan Bouma- I could write about his lying ass for hours. But for now I'll just say he is a heart breaker and a penis face. Then there was Henry Helvey, sweet guy really, and were still friends. Dork squad we have been called, and I will never forget watching Shaun Of The Dead with him on a hot summer day for the first time. Following we have Jonathan Tubach- my creepy man-twin [we comunicate telepathically, no lie] that was only a week before it got weird mutually for us to date. Then Zachary Tawes, trouble making pot smoking neck biting freshman. He cheated, but it's chill, I still had fun while it lasted.

Adam Taylor, my uber christian, 18 year old, also pot headed ex who was the clingy type. That was a harsh brake. And we come to my latest victim- James [JC] Bell, who I'm just not feeling is going to work out, so it'll probably end soon because my 'dad found out' or something.

As for most recent crushes [because listing all of them would excruciating] there was/is the stunningly marvelous sophmore Jared Ringstaff, who is also a lying jerk [turned me down :(], then the steamy preppy types, Will Summers and Morgan Hicks [mmmmm, Seniors] and finally my age people [Juniors], Ky Courton and some others. I'm tired so it's hard to remember them all. You see, I see the attractiveness in almost everybody I encounter, therefore, I end up dating everyone. I give a lot of people chances, because I don't just judge by looks. I mean sure, some guys are just to die for phisically, but like Jared and Jordan, they're bullshit just isn't worth it.

A quick update before signing out, my friend who got in the fight acctually did get suspended.

And one last thing.

One horrid, disgusting thing I wish I could forget but cannot.

I accedently saw my dad naked this morning.

Somebody kill me.

-Hathair

Hold My Weave, Gurl

March 20th, 2009

Today I went on a feild trip to the Chester Technical Center, I checked out Child Development and Greenhouse Management, as possible courses for Senior year. I really like greenhouse and I'm gonna try hard to get in, if not I'll be okay, but whatever.

When we were getting off the buses my good friend Erika was making fun of this girl named Holly and was all in her face, so the girl yanked out her cheap extentions and punched her in the face, right in front of me. I didn't want to go and start hitting her and get 10 days out [and have my dad go all ape shit on my ass] so I just stood there, no one helped her, even when she was getting kicked in the side. But Holly just walked away and now she's suspended and Erika isn't in trouble because she didn't fight back.

There are a lot of fights at our school. I do not like violence, seeing as I deal with it so much at home, and it's hard to feel safe at school sometimes. Even though it was surprisingly sunny today, I feel a creeping sadness, it's just something that happens. It's probably time to break up with my boyfriend.. and I think it's looming on my mind like clouds, kind of canceling out the sun I so love.

So I get home and my mom has like, butchered her hair. Now that it's ugly, but her was getting long and it was pretty, I was very fond of it. But oh well, with my family's hair genes it'll be back to normal in a matter of weeks.

Today isn't over, I'm at my neighbors typing up my father's pardon letter [in other words, a load of bull from his loving family to the governor of VA, so get his record clean] so he can get a normal job and make some damn money, before we get kicked out and have to live in a box or sometime :/ So, I'll be logging on later with night time and weekend thoughts in a separate post.

Peace,

-Hathair

PTSD

March 19th, 2009

My dad didn't go to work today.. so as I'm trying to walk in the door he tells me "Turn your ass around and go next door, I'm trying to talk to your mother. It'll only take 15 minutes." So my sister and I march back out and over to Theresa's, where I proceeded to fall asleep on her couch, only to be woken by him and hour later, being yelled at for not coming home about about how we just need to accept that he is out and has to bitch and moan about everything all the time :]

I wanted to go on thr Art fieldtrip today, but I was denyed that privledge by a flighty brained teacher who forgot to tell us ahead of time and can't count how many people can fit on a bus. It was supposed to be cold again today but instead it was warm, and I couldn't help but be jealous of everyone enjoying themselves at Maymont Park while I had to take my stupid Japanese benchmark. At least I have a feild trip tomorrow to the Tech Center.

In other news, my dad brought up Post Traumatic Stress Disorder today, which got me thinking about it and reflecting on my life this far. When everything was happening around here and my dad was yelling, screaming and hitting everyone, I didn't react very much, like I just blocked it all out and made it go away. It took until I had to move in with my cousin that I started hearing the arguments in my sleep and having meaningless panic attacks. It took all of two years away from him to get it to stop, to stop feeling numb and distant. I tried to fade away.. tried to become invisible.. but as soon as I pulled up out of it and really started enjoying life, I had to come home.

And now I'm not sure how I really feel, like if I like life or not. I listen to music a lot and try to express myself often, to keep the stress levels low, but sometimes I snap and do some thing stupid. For the most part I'm a happy go lucky person, I go with the flow and don't like to plan out everything, but sometimes I just feel like a bitch or a downer when I get into one of my moods.

In conclusion I'll just add that this is one of my moody days and I just need some time to chill and have a little fun and I'll be back to normal, peppy me :] I just wish it would stop RAINING.

The Blog Log

March 18th 2009

My first official entry, and my day was pretty neat. We got out of school 3 hours early, but it didn't seem like it. Other than missing lunch, teachers made the day seem normal, of course [except for Mr. Walker, he let us watch Remember The Titans].

Thomas Dale parking lot is an interesting palce after hours, everybody is so excited and jumping all over the place, and it seems like eeverybodyy smokes cigarettes [as do I], so I just find it interesting to see who's out there being all wild :]

So then I hopped in the truck with Caleb and Blair, since my dad was not aware of the half day, and headed to his house to pick up his camera, then to hers to drop our stuff, then onward still to Dunkin' Donuts where we started helping Caleb take pictures for photography and myspace. We got real close to traffic and messed with driver's by waving and cheering at them, but then we saw a cop so we quit that and started driving back, when Caleb randomly decided to check out a local photography agency for summer internship, and as it turned out so beautifully he may get it, it was like an interveiw on the spot, me and her being the cute tag alongs, ha ha.

So then;
We came back to her place and Caleb said his good byes, so we proceeded to walk around the neighborhood and say hey to people we know. We chilled at Jason's since I didn't have any cigs left, then we took a walk to take pictures and stuff. As we walked and talked we came upon a rotten log, and being so bored we started tearing it open, ha ha. We saw some realyy interesting things in it, like a little salamander and lots of shiny wood beetles. We were attacking it with sticks when a police officer rode by and stopped to ask us what we were doing. I told him the log owed me money, and he laughed, so that made my day.

Going back again to her house we chilled a while longer and I finally came home to watch two movies and get a terrible soup-enduced stomoch ache. Now I'm going to bed, and I wish I hd more time to write on this and shre my thoughts, and also put up some of the pictures, but that will have to wait.

I also wish I was guy sometimes, so I could be silly and act retrded and get away with it :/

-Hat Hair

First Day On The Blog

March 16th, 2009

Hi there;

I've been wanting to make one of these nifty blogs for a while. so I thought I'd get a little backround in before I start really posting.

I am;

My name is Danielle Renee, I am 16 years old and live in central Virginia, USA. My mom is amazing and my dad is a dick. My sister is ..a pain, but I love her. My life is a little more than hectic, but I try not to let it get me down. I love music and dancing and sleep overs. I am passionate about art, words, tunes, earth, and love. I value family over anything and friends over myself.

I have;

Last 2 years I have lived with extended family and back again and I don't make good grades, though I will definately graduate next year from my retardedly huge high school. 2,600 some students; it's a tad crowded.

My pets;

I have 3 cats and a dog. Pandora, my black cat, is my daughter and I love her to death, she was my birthday present last year when I moved back in with my dad, and she likes to sharpen her needles on anything and everything. Zac is a Tonkinese [Burmese/Siamese mix] who is partially blind and very, very silly. And Ellie is my mom's cat; she is flatulent and sweet. My dog is a brown Pitt/Lab mix named Coffee, with the attention span the size of a water molecule and the size of a small bear, he can be fun and frustrating.

So pretty much;

I'm an average girl in a big world, I have dreams like the next person and plan to fullfill them, so don't try and stop me.

My dreams;

I want to graduate high school on time next year. I want to backpack across Europe with my friends. I want to have a career and a family someday. I want to move to somewhere, California. I want see the world. I want to learn an instrament. I want true love.

In conlusion;

I'll be writing about my daily life, mostly for my self expression and peace of mind, but also as a help for any of those out there on the globe who need help or advice, because I'm pretty good at giving it; I've been through a lot.

Peace.