March 23rd, 2009
I've come to rely on this blog more than I expected. It's a good opptunity to vent and get out all my thoughts, I don't feel so invisible if I write on this everyday. Another passing thought that dawned on me, is that this, right now, is the only March 23rd 2009 that will ever exist. Wow, it just makes me want to make every day special, you know? Well, here's my today.
Got to school, had to see Jared coddling his ugly girlfriend like she's some precious stone. They do it every single morning, same spot, same time. I understand but..it get's a little annoying. I got a lot of school work today, so I'll be working my mental buttocks to the bone this week trying to pass for once. Well, I had some left over Passionfruit Parrot Bay from the weekend so I had brought it to school [yes I know, I'm dumb but I had to get rid of it somehow, lest my dad discover it]. Well I was trying to draw a high five in Art, and a lot of people made fun of it and said it looked more like praying, so I ripped it up and I felt pretty bad. Even cried a little, but I didn't let anyone see. So I say to myself, hmm, what do I have that will make it go away?
2 bottles of smuggles juices later, I stagger out to the bus loop, ranting on and on about not wanting to go home, and dealing with a massive stomach ache, enduced from chugging the shit too quickly without eating. No one could give me a ride today so I ride the bus, then get home to find my dad home again, unfortunately. Mama and I devise an escape plan to Food Lion so we can relax and I can smoke [it's so rough not being able to light up after 6 hours without], then I came home and played Oblivion for a few hours. When I finally decided to go over to my neighbors to do some homework type stuff, well I just got back, and it's 8:45 pm. I got some new pictures on there and I am temporarily internet-satisfied.
When I'm drunk I tend to be real honest. I usually call everybody up and just tell them; hey, this is how I fucking feel about you, whether it be that I hate them or I am secretly in love with them, whatever. I hadn't drank much in a while so when it did hit me, it was all at once and real hard. Well, artistic woes forgotton, I once again wander to the realm of romance, wondering if I can ever break up with my current victim, and if after that I can stay single for more than a week. I mean, it's not like I'm some kind of whore punk, I don;t sleep with them all, but like I've said before, dating around is just how I get to know people, unfortuatly for those who fall for me.
I want summer to arrive. I want to go to concerts and get sloshed and stay up all night and sleep all day. I want to wear a bikini and tan for the first time ever with my sister, and go to the beach and ride rollacosters in the blistering heat. I want to eat icecream soup and sit on my roof at night, alone with nature and a cancer stick in hand. I want to be free more than anything, and for me, summertime is the closest to freedom I've had so far.
California, I hope I reach you someday.
-Hathair
