PTSD

March 19th, 2009

My dad didn't go to work today.. so as I'm trying to walk in the door he tells me "Turn your ass around and go next door, I'm trying to talk to your mother. It'll only take 15 minutes." So my sister and I march back out and over to Theresa's, where I proceeded to fall asleep on her couch, only to be woken by him and hour later, being yelled at for not coming home about about how we just need to accept that he is out and has to bitch and moan about everything all the time :]

I wanted to go on thr Art fieldtrip today, but I was denyed that privledge by a flighty brained teacher who forgot to tell us ahead of time and can't count how many people can fit on a bus. It was supposed to be cold again today but instead it was warm, and I couldn't help but be jealous of everyone enjoying themselves at Maymont Park while I had to take my stupid Japanese benchmark. At least I have a feild trip tomorrow to the Tech Center.

In other news, my dad brought up Post Traumatic Stress Disorder today, which got me thinking about it and reflecting on my life this far. When everything was happening around here and my dad was yelling, screaming and hitting everyone, I didn't react very much, like I just blocked it all out and made it go away. It took until I had to move in with my cousin that I started hearing the arguments in my sleep and having meaningless panic attacks. It took all of two years away from him to get it to stop, to stop feeling numb and distant. I tried to fade away.. tried to become invisible.. but as soon as I pulled up out of it and really started enjoying life, I had to come home.

And now I'm not sure how I really feel, like if I like life or not. I listen to music a lot and try to express myself often, to keep the stress levels low, but sometimes I snap and do some thing stupid. For the most part I'm a happy go lucky person, I go with the flow and don't like to plan out everything, but sometimes I just feel like a bitch or a downer when I get into one of my moods.

In conclusion I'll just add that this is one of my moody days and I just need some time to chill and have a little fun and I'll be back to normal, peppy me :] I just wish it would stop RAINING.